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Self-esteem and Sports:
Damaging the Ego
"Ok...Let me understand this sports thing and kids a little
better", stated the befuddled alien from Utopia
"So why do I have to play everybody? So I don't what? Damage
their self-esteem? Really! What kind of society is this where playing
on a sports team is a critical influence on the development of positive
self-esteem. It seems to me that society ought to be focusing on
more important issues with children and adolescents than helping
them to develop a sports identity."
"Aren't there other avenues for enhancing positive self-esteem?
Aren't there other identities that society could focus on that would
have the same effect. ...and maybe have a more positive influence
on society? Why does every American child need to be an athlete?
What is it about parents that view athletes as the be-all for children?"
"OK...so I think I've got now.... So I play all the kids...
even the kids who can't play very well... They are called what?....
Which is it?... "late developers" or "athletically
challenged". Look! The child is 12 years old and can't
even pick up a ball and throw it. And you want this child to play
in the infield so they will "feel good" about themselves?
The last time they played in the infield they were made fun of and
the other children didn't want to play anymore. Hey! what about
the "game"? How can one have a "game" if some
of the players can't even "play"? ...."pretend?"
Look earthlings, there are other things beside sports that help
children develop their identities. ....No? OK.... I'm heading back
to Utopia.
Robert W. McGowan, Ph.D.
Coaching & Sports Section Editor
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It's Just a Game!
Youth, Sports, & Self Esteem : A Guide for Parents
by Dr.
Darrell Burnett
Reflects the importance of keeping youth sports in the proper
perspective. While discussion the psychology of youth sports,
Dr. Burnett not only points out how sports can strengthen a child's
self-esteem, he offers specific practical positive parenting guidelines
to help make it happen.
The book's theme is straightforward: kids have enough pressure
in life, and youth sports should not add to it. Youth sports
can and should promote self-esteem, offering every youngster an
opportunity to enjoy the simple fun of participating in sports
while learning skills, feeling good, and building positive childhood
memories.
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Two sites incorporate sportsmanship into more comprehensive efforts.
The Citizenship
Through Sports Alliance intends to use the improvement of
sportsmanship part of a broader effort- an attempt to positively
affect citizenship through athletics. This organization's program-
"It's Up to Us" pulls together the entire community
and tries to make sports and good sportsmanship integral to community
well-being. Particular attention is paid to public relations,
an often overlooked aspect of education.
Pursuing
Victory with Honor is a major goal of the Character Counts
program. A catchy acronym, TEAM -standing for teach, enforce,
advocate and model- reflects the strategy. Also available at this
site are sample, codes of conduct and a "Game Plan for Amateur
Basketball" that might well serve as a model for other sports.
Although the latter at times focuses on the excesses of collegiate
and other high profile aspects of the game, the noted problems
are creeping down to the beginning levels of the game. Even junior
high school and youth league coaches, administrators and teachers
would be well advised to study this document.
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Welcome To
Moms Team
Brooke deLench
...the place for moms (and everyone else) with children in sports.
The Effects Of "Cutting" Athletes From Middle School
Athletic Programs: One Parent's Perspective
By Brooke deLench
The following is the text of a memorandum I wrote to the principal
at the middle school my sons attended several years ago. As a result
of the memo, and a committee formed that summer to explore a no-cut
policy, the girls' and boys' soccer teams that fall did not cut
any players. [Once I was no longer a middle school parent, however,
the school, unfortunately, returned to cutting!].
We applaud your efforts to study the "Cut/ No Cut" policy
at the Middle School.
We have observed first-hand what cutting can do to a child's self-esteem
and the positive impact a no cut policy can have. This past fall
we were directors of a new soccer club in town. The club was started
in order to provide an opportunity for fifty boys, ages 9 to 14,
who were
cut from the existing travel soccer club, to continue playing
travel soccer. When we announced in the newspaper that we were forming
a new club with a no-cut policy we received close to 150 phone calls
from supportive parents who did not agree with the No-Name Soccer
Club's policy of cutting children and felt that it was harming ALL
the towns' children for only a "select" handful to be
allowed to play travel soccer.
Based on our experiences, we offer the following observations:
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When a preadolescent or adolescent is cut, she questions her
self-worth; cutting thus damages a child's self-esteem. · When
a child is cut, he feels the pain and embarrassment of being
rejected and not included in an activity in which he wanted
to participate; as a result, he may never try out for a team
again, forever being left out of the loop.
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The pain and humiliation from being cut may even be worse
for a child who is cut after "surviving" the cut the
season before; such children will have a difficult time understanding
why they were good enough to play on the team one year and not
the next.
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Children develop at different rates; some who are cut at age
13 or 14 because they were not fast or strong enough may turn
out to be the fastest and strongest at age 16 or 17. We have
all heard the story of how Michael Jordan was cut from his high
school basketball team. Cutting kids from sports teams is like
cutting a bud off a tree just because it hasn't bloomed as early
as the rest (hence the phrase "late bloomer").
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Children who are among the few "chosen" to play
on a middle school team will naturally feel they are superior
to those that are not selected. Such feelings tend to lead to
disharmony, cliques, and to reinforcing the "jock culture,"
not the feeling of community, full inclusion and cooperative
learning that the middle school works so hard to promote. As
you know, it is important for kids during the middle school
years to know that they belong; that they fit in. Cutting tells
them they don't fit in, that they don't belong. This is the
wrong message to send.
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Those children who are cut from sports teams are not going
to be exercising as frequently as they would if they were playing
sports; they are much more likely to spend their afternoons
watching television, or worse. The old saw "A healthy body,
healthy mind" is apt. Our youth are not as physically fit
as they should be. Why continue a policy that only contributes
to the decline in physical fitness?
We have talked to parents in other school systems in Massachusetts
and other states. We feel that our town's approach on youth sports
needs to be revamped. We know that with enough planning and parental
input our sports program has the potential to be as strong and as
equitable as many of the other schools in the nation. The following
are some of our ideas:
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Eliminate the negative practice of cutting some kids from
teams at the middle school level. Sports and child psychologists
have written numerous articles on the negative effects of cutting
on a child's self-esteem. As teachers you should never be put
in the position of having to say to a student "I'm sorry
you are not good enough to represent this school." This
is especially true if a coach is also a classroom teacher.
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Combine the intramural and travel program. Utilize both
coaches to coach the larger group. Eliminate coed teams.
Break the larger group down into smaller groups for practice
and travel. One week the "Maroon team" travels, the
next week the "Gold" team has a chance, and the following
week the "White" team will have the experience. Each
child would be assessed a user fee of $25.00 instead of $50.00.
This model is working in other towns and has many advantages.
Children who are "late bloomers" are kept in the program.
Not only does this benefit the kids themselves, but, by keeping
the talent pool large, it ultimately helps the high school field
the best possible teams. Usually by the time children are in
the 9th or 10th grades they will "self" cut. The more
successful school sports programs try to keep kids in the "loop"
as long as possible.
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Use high school students or licensed parent volunteers.
If money is an issue (and it almost always is), find high school
students looking to fulfill their community service obligations
or get help from licensed parent volunteers (For instance, many
parents have soccer licenses from the Massachusetts Youth Soccer
Association).
In closing we would like to volunteer our time to be part of a
task group to look at ways of including all children who would like
to spend their afternoons doing something positive and constructive.
We know of children in our town who have turned to alcohol and drugs
as a direct result of being cut from a sports team at a time when
they were particularly unsure of themselves and vulnerable to peer
pressure. We have a vested interest in seeing that all of the middle
school students feel great about themselves, and will do everything
possible to show the community that an all-inclusive sports program
can work at the middle school level. After all, if only a small
percent of the kids who try out for a spot on a team make the team,
how fair is the existing system? Why are we servicing a select,
elite few? Why should just a fraction of the students be served?
Please let us know how we can help facilitate the process so that,
starting in the fall, we have a middle school sports program that
is the best it can be.
Reprinted by Permission by Brooke de Lench
@Copyright 2003 MomsTeam.com
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to share, or questions about particular topics, please email
one of the following Coaching Section Editors: |
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I
STINK! HANDLING THE PITFALLS
OF SELF-ESTEEM
by Brooks Clark
Justin had his heart set on making the middle-school
soccer team. But during the tryouts, he could see he wasn't keeping
up. When the coach read the names of the players who had made
the team, Justin's heart sank. His name was not on the list.
Tid-bits from the article:
"In all these situations," says Frank Smoll, a sports
psychology professor at the University of Washington, "it's
not so much what happens as the way it's perceived. And those perceptions
come mostly from the significant people in a child's life, namely,
the parents and coaches."
Says Dr. Aynsley Smith, a sports psychologist at the Mayo Clinic,
in Rochester, Minn.: "Our job as parents is to keep our perspective.
If not too much is made of the successes and the failures, and if
kids consistently get the message that we love and value them as
people, then they can usually take the rough moments in stride."
Parents can take several important steps to help build
their child's self-esteem. Among them:
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Take the focus off winning. "As coaches and parents ,"
says Smoll, "we can explain the difference between the
factors that kids can control—their own effort, improvement,
and sportsmanship—and those they cannot, notably the skill level
of their opponents and the outcome of a game. Then we can focus
on the things they can control. Instead of winning, we can talk
about fun, participation, and effort."
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Maintain a sense of balance. When Smith counsels young athletes,
she shows them a pie chart. "The pie represents who you
think you are as a person," she says. "One piece is
your sport . Other pieces are you as a son or daughter, a student,
a friend, a member of the choir, and so on. If that is your
view of yourself, even if you dropped the pass and everybody
is disappointed with you, it's okay because that is only one
piece of your sense of self-worth."
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Noticing
Progress:
The Key to Keeping Kids in Youth Sports
(Part 1 of 4)
by Dr. Darrell J. Burnett
"What's the use in trying? No matter what I do, it'll
never be enough! My coach is never satisfied. My parents are never
satisfied. I can't compete against other kids who are so much
better than I am."
-- 9-year old boy who dropped out of organized
sports
Two of the obstacles in motivating kids to continue playing sports
are mentioned in the quote from the 9-year-old: 1) unrealistic expectations
from coaches and parents; and 2) unrealistic self-comparison with
other athletes.
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Dumb Football Players
A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked
over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let
you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So,
what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it
right, you can play."
The player agreed, so coach looked into his eyes intently and
asked, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer
to this. What is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then answered, "4?"
"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he
had got it right.
Suddenly all the other players on the team began screaming...,
"Come on coach, give him another chance!"
Aggie Accident
There was an Aggie, Longhorn, and a Red Raider who were out hunting.
The Aggie brought back a big buck.
"How did you get that?" they all asked.
"I saw the tracks, followed the tracks, and 'boom' I shot
a buck."
Then the longhorn brought back an elephant.
"How did you get that?" they all asked.
"I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and 'boom' I shot
an elephant."
Then the Red Raider came back all beat up.
"What happened?" they all asked.
"I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and 'boom' I got
hit by a train."
Man Concentrating On His Golf Shot
It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his
pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came
over the clubhouse speaker -"Would the gentleman on the Ladies
tee please back up to the men's tee!"
Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the
interruption. Again the announcement - "Would the man on
the women's tee kindly back up to the men's tee! Please!"
Mike had had enough. He turned and shouted, "Would the announcer
in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!"
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