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TEACHING
HUMAN KINDNESS - TEACHING TIPS
Published in the California
CAHPERD Journal, Spring 2007
by Laura
de Ghetaldi, Ed.D.
Past Colorado - COAHPERD President
Past California - CAHPERD Vice President
Health
"In
order to build a peaceful country,
I believe we must be considerate of
each other."
-Takako
Okimoto, Hiroshima survivor, written
as a Junior High School Student
 The
Epidemic of Violence
Takako
Okimoto's words are a reminder of
the importance of human kindness. This
is particularly poignant when considering
that the Center for Disease Control
in Atlanta lists violence as the number
one epidemic in America.
The picture
for todays' youth is often filled with
a a life of gangs, drugs, war, suicide,
crime and violence. As a result, our
youth are exposed to violence and destructive
conflict at alarming rates. And that’s
not all; look at today's news which
in part, can be perceived as out of
control. Hence, our youth seek out gangs
to feel a sense of belonging and gain
a sense of control of their lives. They
seek out drugs to ease the pain and
use them to create a chemical "high."
Drugs, fantasy games and even interest
in space exploration can be a form of
escapism.
Yet, as activist
Mohandas
Gandhi once said, "If we are
to reach real peace in the world, we
shall have to begin with the children."
As teachers,
we can help make a difference in this
world as we know it today. I have had
the privilege and incredible experience
of working with children and teachers
in the area of conflict resolution.
I have found that children are concerned
about war and violence, and they often
appear almost hungry to lean and understand
what peace is and how to achieve it.
To this end, conflict resolution skills
can and do make a difference by offering
children and adults, alike, hope for
a more peaceful future.
In the gym
and out on the playing fields, conflict
is ever present. It is how we deal with
these conflicts that determine whether
the conflicts are destructive or constructive.
The following ideas are for teaching
human kindness and conflict resolution
in both the classroom and in physical
education settings.
'I'
and 'You' Messages
Teach the
difference between 'I' and 'you' messages.
When differences occur and 'you' messages
are stated it is harder for that individual
to receive and "hear" the
message as the individual reacts defensively.
If the communicator presents their feelings
by presenting with an 'I' message, then
they are more likely to have an active
listener willing to participate in communicating
with them.
As the teacher
you might want to present examples of
both 'I' messages and 'you' messages.
Let the students write examples of each.
Consider providing an 'I and You
Message Worksheet' that would include
the following examples and scenarios
of outcomes.
'I Message'
- "I get mad when others get into
my things."
'You Message'
- "You make me so mad when you
get into my things."
Have the
students discuss the difference between
the two skills. For example you might
ask: "Which is the easier message
to hear from the receiving end?"
You might want to say that "When
you start with an 'I' word, you don't
put blame on others. When you start
with the word 'I' you don't put the
other person on the defensive. They
don't feel like they are being hit with
balls like in the game of dodge ball.
They'll listen to you better with 'I'
words."
The
'I Message' Worksheet
This could
include setting up a scenario and response
opportunities to develop 'I' messages.
Consider the following scenario and
response opportunities:
Scenario:
You are playing basketball at recess
and someone steals "your"
basketball.
Response
opportunities:
a. I feel ________________________________
b. when ________________________________
c. because _____________________________
A response to this scenario might
be, "I feel sad when someone
takes my ball because then I don’t
get to play anymore."
The 'Put-Down
and Put-Up' Worksheet
By giving children the chance to see
the difference between a 'put-up' and
a 'put-down' they are given an opportunity
to use a skill that will help create
a more gentle environment. A Put-Down
and Put-Up Worksheet might include:
| Put-down: |
"You are worthless
on our soccer team." |
| |
"You’re stupid." |
| |
"I don’t want you
on my team. You can't do anything
right." |
| |
"You’re too fat
to play with us." |
Have the students share the 'put-downs'
and have them share how they would feel
if someone said those words to them.
Then have the students try giving 'put-ups'
instead. Celebrate the goodness in one
another and create a more positive learning
environment. Failure is visible in movement
activities. When actively involved in
the classroom, many times students can
hide their struggles and/or their failures.
But when children are active physically
and when they "step up to the plate
and swing and miss" everyone sees
the failure. Put-ups at this point are
worth more than their weight in gold.
We, as teachers, should strive for a
positive environment where children
of all differing abilities feel a sense
of peace and kindness.
Another important skill that children
can use to their advantage is to learn
how to respond to a 'put-down' that
has been directed to them. The concept
of responding back to an unkindness
with kindness can work to the individuals
advantage here. By giving a '‘put-up'
back to the individual, the receiver
will hopefully receive this kindness
given and possibly rethink the next
step they are about to take with the
individual they just gave a put-down
to. When a put-down is given such as
the following - "You are worthless
on our soccer team" - what
is an appropriate response? A response
such as the following might be used:
"You are good in soccer. Maybe
you can help me." Children also
might use humor to respond back to a
putdown.
Children need to be given the opportunity
to develop the skills of giving 'put-ups'
and how to constructively respond to
a 'put-down.' It is also important to
allow children the opportunity to learn
how to graciously accept kindnesses
and put-ups that are directed their
way. This is a learned skill.
Learning Mediation Steps
Learning how to resolve conflict is
an important skill. If conflict is left
unresolved, it can build up and escalate.
As teachers and as parents we can not
assume children know how to "work
it out." If children are to be
sent to resolve a conflict on the "benches"
on the sidelines of the playing fields
of life, then shouldn’t we should
provide on going experiences to do so?
As conflicts do arise-use them as a
"teachable moment" and when
ever possible, involve the class to
help resolve the problems.
The following example is a modified
version of conflict resolution that
would work well with children who are
just beginning to learn conflict resolution
skills. Let them role-play in an environment
where they will feel safe practicing
them. The steps are as follows:
1) Tell your side of the story
2) Tell how you feel. Use 'I' messages
and give no 'put-downs.'
3) Let the other person tell their side
of the story.
4) Let them tell how they feel. Use
'I' messages and give no 'put-downs.'
5) Repeat what was just said to you
by that other person. Have that person
let you know if you repeated it correctly.
6) Have the other person repeat your
side of the story. Let them know if
they understood you correctly.
7) Come up with a solution that you
both agree on.
8) Shake on it.
Something To Cherish
While these activities and skills will
not fix everything, they can provide
educators with a way to support caring
and teach responsibility and kindness
to others.
Rudy Benton, Elementary Physical Educator
in Burlingame, California is an example
of an educator that "teaches children
to be nice." It is not enough for
him to teach "juggling" but
more importantly for him is to teach
children to support and respect one
another while they are learning to juggle.
At the end of classes, he asks his students
to share something that happened that
was good in class. Hence, he provides
them opportunities to give "put-ups."
He also provides them with experiences
in being allowed to discuss things that
have bothered them that might have occurred
during class. This is done without using
and 'you-messages' or pointing blame
at any one child. The class is given
opportunities to discuss the occurrences
and as a result they can potentially
grow from the constructive and not destructive
experiences.
It could be said that there simply
is not enough time to teach all of these
skills in our precious time allotted
to teach our subject matter. But, it
is my belief, that if we do take this
time to do so and that if these skills
are learned, down the road we will spend
less and less time trying to resolve
conflicts and would also not allow the
bruising that can occur with conflict.
As teachers, we can empower children
with kindness and peacemaking skills.
As Lori, age eleven said, "Peace
is something to cherish. But you must
be careful with it. If you don't, pretty
soon there won't be anyone to make peace
with."
__________________________________________________
Laura de Ghetaldi, Ed.D. lectured
for sixteen years at the University
of Colorado, Boulder in the Department
of Kinesiology. She also served as the
President of the Colorado Association
of Health, Physical Education, Recreation
and Dance (COAHPERD. She is also Past
VP Health for COAHPERD. She currently
lectures as Adjunct Faculty for the
Department of Kinesiology at California
State University San Marcos. She has
twice presented on School Violence as
a National Keynote Speaker presenting
with Columbine High School survivors
on this subject.
After the Columbine tragedy, she was
selected by the Colorado Attorney General
to present her views and skills to the
Colorado Bar Association. She also presented
related material at the Internation
Council of Health, Physical Education,
Recreation and Dance in Limmerick, Ireland.
For further information on this subject,
visit the School Mediation Project web
site from Boulder, Colorado at: www.schoolmediationcenter.org
presentations
de
Ghetaldi, L. R., & Hogan, P. I.,
2011 Presenting at AAHPERD National
Convention, San Diego, California,
"Teaching Tolerance One Lesson
at a Time"
de
Ghetaldi, L. R., & Hogan, P. I.,
(2002), School Violence, Keynote Speaker
selected by National AAHPERD President
Glen Roswell, National AAHPERD Convention,
San Diego, California
de
Ghetaldi, L. R., & Held, K.,
Columbine Survivor, (2001), CAHPERD
State Convention, "Out of the
Ashes, Takes Flight the Phoenix Bird-Reflections
After Columbine"
de
Ghetaldi, L. R., & Held, K.,
Columbine Survivor, (2001), Keynote
Speaker in Remembrance of the Columbine
High School Massacre, National Conference
On School Violence, Littleton,
Colorado
de
Ghetaldi, L. R. (1990, July),
Conflict Resolution in Physical Education,
International Conference Health,
Physical Education, Recreation and Dance,
Limerick, Ireland
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